The Stanford Daily, known for pushing the boundaries of what qualifies as journalism, continues to find new ways of pushing the student body into new intellectual territory, most recently through a series of edgy sex-related articles. But after covering everything from voluntary virgins to the politics of one night stands, The Daily is having a hard time keeping it’s front page exciting. The solution, proposed by Daily writer Seth Rizzie, was elegant in its simplicity: why simply write about sex? Why not bring sex in all its sweaty, confusing complexity directly to the reader? Rizzie himself stepped up to the task and, at the first opportunity, brought his journalistic spirit where no reporter had gone before: the bedroom.

The transcript, available in full on the Daily’s webpage, delivers everything its sex-starved readers could desire.

“I was drunk, and she was beautiful, I think,” it begins, demurely enough. However it gets steamier, with such tantalizing exchanges as:

“Does that feel good?”

“I don’t – um, I need to lie down- can you…maybe…faster?”

“Like this?”

“Uh…sure.”

The readers are also privy to several of Rizzie’s revealing internal monologues.

“Her socks were still on, which I thought was weird… I mean, who wears socks during sex? I don’t, it seems strange, but it would be weirder to ask her to take them off. Then it seems like I have some sort of foot fetish, and I don’t want her to think that. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Different strokes and all… Oh shit, what am I supposed to be doing with my hand? Was I staring at her feet?”

Rizzie, for all his journalistic integrity, holds no punches, giving a clear and certain account of every tender kiss, each sensual brush of the fingertips, even the titillating finale.

“I threw my head back in primal pleasure as I felt every tension in my body release all at once. When I recovered, her lips were by my ear. Softly, she whispered, ‘did you fart?’ I did. I did fart.”

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