Unable to counter the mounting evidence that he used performance enhancing drugs to bike really far faster than anyone else, Lance Armstrong admitted that he was at fault – but with a twist. During years of court hearings, as well throughout the entirety of his seven Tour de France wins, Armstrong claims to have had his fingers decidedly crossed. With this new revelation, the legal proceedings in which the famed athlete has been embroiled have been thrown into confusion. There’s no clear way to confirm or deny his claims, but legal advisers explain that, if true, Armstrong’s crossed fingers could leave him well beyond the reach of the law. When asked why he finally unveiled the truth, Armstrong explained that he was needing to lie more and more often, and his fingers were getting tired. “It just wasn’t worth it anymore.”
You May Also Like
Apple Location Tracking Data Reveals Entire History of Carmen Sandiego’s Whereabouts
In shocking news, Apple leaked information about their knowledge of the location…
- Zach Galant
- May 18, 2011
Coolest Senior Excited To Move To, Be “So Over” New York
After four years of blasé sighs, insatiable apathy, and open assertions that…
- Ben Kaufman
- May 5, 2017
Supreme Court to rule whether Second Amendment Grants Right to Bear Nuclear Arms
In a landmark decision to be handed down by the high court…
- Kyle Hoffer
- January 27, 2011
Freshmen Confused Over Lack of Google Internship After A in CS106A
While Winter Quarter normally presents many opportunities for freshmen hoping to pad…
- Ankit Baghel
- January 14, 2016