Unable to counter the mounting evidence that he used performance enhancing drugs to bike really far faster than anyone else, Lance Armstrong admitted that he was at fault – but with a twist. During years of court hearings, as well throughout the entirety of his seven Tour de France wins, Armstrong claims to have had his fingers decidedly crossed. With this new revelation, the legal proceedings in which the famed athlete has been embroiled have been thrown into confusion. There’s no clear way to confirm or deny his claims, but legal advisers explain that, if true, Armstrong’s crossed fingers could leave him well beyond the reach of the law. When asked why he finally unveiled the truth, Armstrong explained that he was needing to lie more and more often, and his fingers were getting tired. “It just wasn’t worth it anymore.”

You May Also Like

Apple Location Tracking Data Reveals Entire History of Carmen Sandiego’s Whereabouts

In shocking news, Apple leaked information about their knowledge of the location…

Coolest Senior Excited To Move To, Be “So Over” New York

After four years of blasé sighs, insatiable apathy, and open assertions that…

Supreme Court to rule whether Second Amendment Grants Right to Bear Nuclear Arms

In a landmark decision to be handed down by the high court…

Freshmen Confused Over Lack of Google Internship After A in CS106A

While Winter Quarter normally presents many opportunities for freshmen hoping to pad…