Last week, the totally innocent and legal glue shop, Leland’s Not-Horse-Glue Emporium, opened for business next to the Stanford Barn. This location next to the barn, which houses Stanford’s horses, has become a cause for concern, however. Animal rights activists across campus have asked administrators, “What if the horses step in glue and injure their hooves? No one wants that to happen.”
Many have discussed other concerns regarding the placement of the shop. “Now I have to schlep all the way across campus if I want the finest glue that money can buy,” said Sophomore Jimmy Zheng, before neighing maniacally and peeling dried glue off of his hands. Others are simply enthused at the prospect of a premier glue shop finally opening up and educating the uncultured swine of this campus on the complexities of glue.
So, if you like horses and glue, check out Leland’s Not-Horse-Glue Emporium. It is incredibly legal and 100% unrelated to the tens of buckets of glue horses living forty feet away.