Republicans Move to Canada, Regret it Nearly Instantly

November 17, 2012 9:00 am
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Republicans Move to Canada, Regret it Nearly Instantly

In a trend that has been spotted throughout the nation, millions of Republicans are fulfilling their promise that they “would move to Canada if Obama is re-elected.”

Many of these republicans have nearly instantly regretted the decision. Not only have these people been annoyed with the consistent politeness of the Canadian people, but they also are starting to realize that it is very cold in Canada.

William Jameson III, a Republican expatriate, also expressed disappointment in the lack of availability of cheap immigrant labor. “I mean, how am I supposed to keep my garden trimmed on a tridaily basis without underpaying illegal Mexicans with hedge clippers?” he asked rhetorically.

Along with concerns over gun laws and landscaping, many newly minted Canadians expressed complaints over the Medicare laws.

“I mean, I went into the doctors office for an appointment and he pretty much just told me that my cost was covered by the country’s taxes,” stated Mary Beth Johnson, “Goddamn Socialists!”

“I was trying to bring my assault rifle out to hunt some of that plentiful moose,” said former Texan James Hardy, “and some stupid looking red man came to me on a fucking horse and told me to ‘put that away sir’. I’m a goddamn American, I have my rights and the 2nd Amendment.”

When told that the US Constitution does not apply in Canada, Hardy said, “Wait, ain’t Canadia a part of ‘murica?”

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