Washington, D.C. — Doctors associated with the American Psychological Association have determined that those who live in glass houses should spend less energy worrying about throwing stones, and instead reflect on the underlying mental instabilities that compelled them to purchase a house made entirely of glass.

While researchers conceded that it is still not a good idea to throw stones, they nonetheless assert that hypothermia is really a more pressing concern, given that commonly-used glass has practically no insulating properties. “We strongly advise the purchase of thermal blankets and ideally, seeking therapy,” an APA spokesperson reported. “While we are still uncertain as to the psychological factors behind the deliberate choice to live in an entirely glass house, there is ample reason to believe that it is a byproduct of a self-destructive state of mind, and sufferers are probably a danger to themselves as well as others and most likely require medical attention.”

Psychologists were later able to confirm that that on the other hand, those living in insulated glass houses such as greenhouses face dangers of overheating and heat exhaustion, both of which pale in comparison to what is almost certainly unabated narcissism strong enough to convince a person that the entire outside world should be able to view the inside of their house at all times.

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