Yielding to feedback from the freshman Class of 2016, the Office of the Vice Provost for Undergraduate Education (VPUE) reports that the required Stanford humanities program will be changed from Thinking Matters to Thinking Doesn’t Matter.

This year Thinking Matters replaced the previously, often-criticized Introduction to the Humanities (IHUM). In a recent interview with Vice Provost for Undergraduate Education Harry Elam Jr., Elam admitted that a recent survey of freshman opinion suggested that they needed to go back to the drawing board yet again.

After careful review by the Committee on Undergraduate Education the decision to change the title to Thinking Doesn’t Matter was unanimous. According to Elam, “Thinking Doesn’t Matter reflects a personalized focus on a new generation of learners. In these times of YOLO and SWAG it is clear that we simply cannot do it like we did in the old days.”

“Hash tag evolve with the times,” he added, awkwardly fist-bumping this reporter.

Elam noted that next year’s curriculum will be focused on sharing information through tweets, Wikipedia, and Sparknotes, and that sections will be held via group Facebook chats.

Upon hearing the news the freshman community was abuzz about the change. “Damnit! I should have taken a gap year,” commented one freshman who’s currently suffering through his Thinking Matters classes.

Many students feel that the small class sizes and close relationship with faculty causes them to feel obligated to read thoroughly and strive for quality assignments, consequently leaving less time for partying.

The change comes at a time when Class of 2017 hopefuls are applying to Stanford and like minded universities. Prospective freshman Jennifer Lee commented ecstatically, “It’s perfect! I spend all my class time tweeting about what I’m going to eat for lunch anyway. I’m definitely going to Stanford now.”

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Confirms That Bitches, As Suspected, Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks

When Dr. Dre proposed in his seminal theoretical work, “The Chronic”, the…

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…