Let’s face it; the upcoming presidential election makes you want to wear a tie. With all those politicians looking smart, you gotta jump on the bandwagon. Now the truth is, nobody gives an actual fuck about what color tie you wear because what really matters is the pattern. Let’s see what yours says about you!

Stripes: You are boring as hell. Your favorite activity is watching grass grow. You iron your underwear. If you have friends now, they will leave you soon. Mark my words.

Checkers: You really, really like board games. Your favorite is strip chess. Yes, that’s a thing.

Plaid: You wear this just to pick up schoolgirls. They love that your tie matches their uniform skirts. Also, you give them candy!

Polka Dots: Your role model is your grandfather in every way, including the way you dress. You also probably wear a hat and suspenders, carry a cane, and go around talking about when you were a young’un. Nice job.

Hearts: You love the way the wind whips through your hair in the morning. You love Nickelback. You love brussel sprouts. You once hugged a hobo. Basically, you love the world. Too bad you’ll probably never get a girlfriend.

Holiday Themes: Your undying love for Christmas is pretty damn contagious, although your singing tree tie probably makes people want to kill you. On the other hand, your menorah pattern makes the Jews go “Challaaah!”

Paisley: What the fuck is wrong with you?

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