How many fingers do you have on your leftmost hand?

[] Five

[] Some number other than five.

[] Enough

 

Is single-ply toilet paper good enough?

[] No

[] Never

[] Nothing is ever good enough

 

Have you hidden your kids and your wife?

[] Yes, they are raping everybody out here.

[] No, I have not properly secured those I care about.

[] I have no such distractions

 

Do you have bronchitis?

[] Yes, it sucks.

[] Ain’t nobody got time for that.

[] My body is pure

 

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?

[] 98657

[] The world may never know.

[] That is a closely guarded secret of my realm

 

Are you born with it or is it Maybelline?

[] Born This Way

[] I’m about as real as Dolly Parton’s boobies.

[] I have always been, since time immemorial

 

What would you do for a Klondike bar?

[] Your mom.

[] Crack.

[] I have no interest in your paltry treats

 

Mac or PC?

[] I’m a PC.

[] I’m not.

[] I laughed as Rome burned around me.

 

How should “How I Met Your Mother” have ended?

[] In any way but the way it did.

[] I don’t watch that show.

[] They all belong in the belly of the Beast. Except Marshall, he’s hilarious.

 

Are you on track to graduate on time?

[] Yes

[] No

[] I am a demon.

 

To calculate your answer, add up all of the times you responded with the first answer, and then if you answered “Yes” to the final question, you will graduate on time, otherwise you will not. And if you picked the 3rd answer 4 or more times, seek out a priest.

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