Stanford Student Disappointed That Starving Child Fails to Grasp the Importance of Big Game

October 15, 2012 12:01 pm
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Stanford Student Disappointed That Starving Child Fails to Grasp the Importance of Big Game

Cape Town, South Africa —

Stanford student Douglas Hentsworth attempted to explain the concept of Big Game to a starving South African child over the weekend, witnesses report, and was disappointed that the child did not express the same giddy enthusiasm for the annual football game that he felt.

“I expected the kid’s eyes to widen with delight,” Hentsworth admitted, “just at the thought of it all: the train whistles, dyeing the fountain red, cheering at the top of our lungs .  I really wanted to share that with her, to give her something that she could keep with her for a lifetime.  But the kid totally didn’t get it,” he added disappointedly.  “She just couldn’t grasp the enormity and tradition of the longstanding rivalry.  I’m not sure she even knew what a university was.”

“Imagine all of this as a packed stadium,” Hentsworth reportedly told the visibly malnourished child as he gestured around at the shantytown where the interaction took place.  “50,000 fans, all with their hearts in their mouths, cheering along as the band plays ‘All Right Now’.  C’mon!  That has to get a smile, right?” he asked exasperatedly.

“This program is about cultural exchange,” said sophomore Francis Engleton, who witnessed the encounter.  “It’s a two-way street: we learn what’s important to them, and they get to learn what’s important to us.  I felt bad for Doug.  He really was trying to share a piece of himself with that child, but just wasn’t able to get through to her.”

While the initial consensus was that most of the blame for the failed interaction fell on the starving child, Hentsworth admits there were some inherent limitations to what he could successfully convey.

“I probably could have given a little more context for understanding ‘The Bearial,'” he later stated.

Determined to take something away from the interaction, Hentsworth was last seen trying to get the child to yell, “Beat Cal!” while he recorded it on his iPhone.