In response to the Daily’s recent flurry of sex articles, The Flipside’s own Matthew LaVan has once more taken up the pen and written the soon-to-be best seller 50 Shades of Cardinal. Although the novel won’t hit the shelves until 2013, LaVan has graciously allowed us to share some of the most tantalizing scenes early.

The heavy door swung open, and my breath caught in my throat. Bookshelves lined the walls, and the floor was dominated by tastefully placed chairs, desks, and reading lights. When I looked up, I saw protrusions and recesses, designed, I realized, to dampen sound. The whole room had a subdued, quite atmosphere. I somehow knew instinctively that it was incredibly conducive to studying. It reminded me of the Bender Room, and it made me nervous, and a little excited. Swallowing hard, I turned to Chris. ”What is this place?”

“It’s my study room.”

“Do you… study… often?”

“Oh yes. I’ve recently started my dissertation.”

I gasped. He kept surprising me. “What do you want from me?”

“I want- I REALLY want- to study with you. If you’d like to.”

And I did. I wanted to study here, with him, more than anything else. I couldn’t imagine how productive I would be. But I wasn’t ready to say that, not yet…

I walked up behind Chris and looked over his shoulder at his computer screen. To my surprise, it wasn’t Wolfram-Alpha- it was a half-finished essay with the title The Protestant Work Ethic in the French Revolution: a Retrospective in bold. He noticed my shock and smirked.

“Were you expecting a pset?”

“Well… yes. What is this?”

“I like to take humanities classes to broaden my perspective. I guess I’ve never really been a… typical techie.”

Thinking back to our Shakespeare reading session earlier that day I had to smile at the understatement. 

“You can say that again. Tell me more about the French Revolution” I purred, biting my lip and taking out a notebook and pen to take notes.

“Not in the study room, you naughty girl,” he admonished, eyes twinkling. “Let’s move to the lecture room.” I swooned at the thought.

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Confirms That Bitches, As Suspected, Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks

When Dr. Dre proposed in his seminal theoretical work, “The Chronic”, the…

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…