Sources report that sophomore Nathan Kingston, child prodigy and math aficionado, has lost significant interest in the arcane processes behind real analysis after getting some action at Sigma Nu last Friday night. “Basically, I’m the shit now,” a confident Kingston told the Flipside, scratching his balls nonchalantly. “For a while, my ascension through the world of math was all that mattered to me. But after grinding with some drunk chick on Friday night, I realized that the world of higher math just isn’t that interesting.”

Not all are happy with this sudden change of events, however. Professor Leon Simon recently lamented Kingston’s sudden change of life direction: “It’s a pity that the department’s going to lose such a talented mathematician,” said Simon, “but of course I understand that getting action is not always conducive to studying theoretical math. Kingston will be sorely missed, but at least I can take solace in the fact that this almost never happens.”

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