Despite having agonized over it for literally a month, Saturday rolled around and Storey resident Aaron Jackson still couldn’t think of a good costume idea that wasn’t culturally insensitive. As the hours of Saturday waned away, he raced through his mental inventory of clever, yet tasteful puns he could do that would in no way tie him to the sordid history of imperialism.
“Like, my first thought was to go as a taco, but maybe Mexicans would take offense to that?” said Jackson, “I don’t know. And then I was going to go as famed Chinese heavyweight Taishan Dong, but that might make fun of the Boxer Rebellion…”
Other good costumes fell by the wayside as Jackson analyzed the bloodstained corridors of human history: “Tigers, lions, and elephants all fell by the wayside—they’re indigenous to Africa and India, but they’re mostly dead now, so I don’t know. I can’t do anything with communist regalia, and ever since the collapse of Somalia’s government in the 90s, pirate costumes have felt as if they were somewhat in bad taste. I did have a good idea to just tape “Fe” to my chest and go as Iron Man, but I sort of stole that idea from my Indian roommate…does that mean that I’m continuing the legacy of appropriation and cultural oppression?”
Witnesses say that Jackson was last seen at a party wearing far too many blazers and a sign that said “Tie-Nehisi Coats”.