After growing pressure from dining halls across campus, Stanford Police has finally decided to crack down on meal fraud.

“The numbers were off,” said Wilbur Hall Dining general manger Alan Freedman, “And not just by a little. Our studies show that total losses due to meal fraud are in the hundreds of thousands of dollars.”

If these numbers are correct, meal fraud, or eating without swiping, is more common among students than was previously thought.

“These criminals have no regard for the law, or for common decency,” said task force leader Brent Killinger. “They viciously prey on trusting or distracted attendants to score a free meal.”

The task force, armed with a large budget and plenty of manpower, has bold plans for catching law-breakers.

“We are installing security cameras, posting undercover agents, hiring swipe enforcers, and promoting awareness. There are severe penalties for students who are caught eating for free. Actually, we’ll probably just make you swipe your card.”

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Confirms That Bitches, As Suspected, Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks

When Dr. Dre proposed in his seminal theoretical work, “The Chronic”, the…

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…