Much to the disappointment of tens of visitors, Eliot, the famous dromedary at the San Francisco zoo, refused to step out into the sunlight this afternoon, apparently as a result of a dry hump.
“We just couldn’t give him what he wanted,” said zookeeper Sandy Perkiss, “we satisfied him two days ago, and we just weren’t ready to make that kind of investment again.
”

According to Perkiss, Eliot’s hump takes about two hundred gallons of water to wash due to the coarseness and volume of his fur.  If the zoo washed Eliot’s hump more than once a week, costs would become unbearable.
“Look,” said Perkiss, trying to further justify her behavior, “a dry hump isn’t even that bad.
  Sure, it’s not as enjoyable, but at least it’s better than having no hump at all.
”

You May Also Like

Updated Geneva Protocol Prohibits Popular Medieval Weaponry

Yesterday, the United Nations General Assembly voted to enact an updated version…

Area Gym Teacher Not Here to Fuck Around

While the whiny squirts of Mrs. Pinkerton’s second grade class must have…

Board Members Estimate Grandchildren Will Be Rich Enough to Avoid Whatever Global Warming Throws at Them Anyway

The Board of Trustees announced this week that, despite countless student protests,…

Friend That Parents Remember Isn’t Actually Close Friend

“How’s Chloe?” Janice McDermott asked her daughter, Amika McDermott (’16), over the…