Several days after the Stanford 24-hour-long fiesta that is Dance Marathon, the staff who have dedicated the last few months to meticulously planning the annual event released the final numbers: 452 dancers, 67 hackers, 7,000 Cheetos consumed, and a staggering $60,075.82 raised.

This is the closest the Dance Marathon has ever come to meeting its goal of permanently curing HIV/AIDS. “With only a few hundred dollars more, we could have done it,” says Dance Marathon spokeswoman Debbie Johnson. But she insists that the staff and those who participated are not upset. “To the contrary, we are thrilled we got this close. Everyone had a really great time.”

Participants stated in interviews that the highlights of the marathon included performances by almost every student group, a variety of board games, a raffle with zany prizes, and even a moving presentation by Dean Julie herself. Of course all this would have been completely eclipsed by the groundbreaking discovery of an effective cure for HIV, a scourge that has ravaged humanity in a veritable epidemic in recent decades.

“We really were SO close this year,” said freshman dorm captain Stacy White. “The difference came down to about $150, which is equivalent to around ten more dancers, or the price of dinner for a family at a really nice restaurant. I guess I could’ve danced a little bit harder. Oh well, maybe next year!”

You May Also Like

Freshman Finally Bunks Bed

Twain Freshman Timothy Walker has officially bunked his bed, despite there being…

In Tight Election Year, All Eyes on Idaho

As election day nears, the battle for Idaho has intensified to unprecedented levels, with candidates from both parties…

Stanford Student Argues the Fuck Out of Dinner Table Discussion

It started off like a normal dinner conversation, but when Nathan Kauffen,…

Student Doesn’t Regret “The Hookup That Never Happened”

Freshman Eric Chandler headed to Stern Dining Sunday morning with a splitting…