Several days after the Stanford 24-hour-long fiesta that is Dance Marathon, the staff who have dedicated the last few months to meticulously planning the annual event released the final numbers: 452 dancers, 67 hackers, 7,000 Cheetos consumed, and a staggering ,075.
82 raised.

This is the closest the Dance Marathon has ever come to meeting its goal of permanently curing HIV/AIDS.
“With only a few hundred dollars more, we could have done it,” says Dance Marathon spokeswoman Debbie Johnson. But she insists that the staff and those who participated are not upset. “To the contrary, we are thrilled we got this close.
Everyone had a really great time.”

Participants stated in interviews that the highlights of the marathon included performances by almost every student group, a variety of board games, a raffle with zany prizes, and even a moving presentation by Dean Julie herself. Of course all this would have been completely eclipsed by the groundbreaking discovery of an effective cure for HIV, a scourge that has ravaged humanity in a veritable epidemic in recent decades.

“We really were SO close this year,” said freshman dorm captain Stacy White.
“The difference came down to about 0, which is equivalent to around ten more dancers, or the price of dinner for a family at a really nice restaurant.
I guess I could’ve danced a little bit harder. Oh well, maybe next year!”

You May Also Like

Snu Hosts ‘Poubelle-Americaine’ In Competition With Eurotrash

“Before I had come to Stanford,” as Alejandro ‘I swear to god…

Sierra Camp Recruitment Ups its Game by Replacing all the Toilet Paper with Flyers

Upon returning to campus, many students have reported an increased marketing presence…

Students Discuss How Fucking Hammered They Got Last Weekend During Lecture On Monday

Students in IHUM: Journeys discussed how they all got so fucking wasted…

Man Accidentally Mistakes Samuel L. Jackson for Frederick Douglass

Samuel L. Jackson, fresh off the set of the new RoboCop movie,…