A NASA satellite is threatening to crash into the Earth. How would you as President deal with this threat?

Mitt Romney- I would cut personal and corporate tax rates, empowering the private sector to deal with this threat. I dealt with many similar issues at Bain Capital and this is nothing that a little downsizing, restructuring and outsourcing cannot handle. Besides I just checked and all of my homes and vehicles are fully insured.

Rick Perry- First, I want to point out that this is just another unproven scientific theory that suggests there is actually a threat to the Earth. Regardless, I would eliminate capital gains taxes, harnessing the entrepreneurial spirit that has made Texas so great.

Newt Gingrich – I just want to point out that this satellite was launched during the Clinton Administration, and that if he had been paying attention to his job this never would have been a problem.

Ron Paul – This is not something the Federal Government should be involved with. Let individual citizens take their own course of action. I recommend that everyone duck.

Michelle Bachmann – Repeal Obamacare and build a big fence along the border with Mexico. I am sorry, what was the question?

Rick Santorum – If it falls on any gay people, that is their own fault.

Herman Cain – 9 9 9. I don’t really know what that means, but I enjoy saying it and people seem to really like hearing it.

John Huntsman – I can’t believe that I am standing up here with these lunatics.

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Confirms That Bitches, As Suspected, Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks

When Dr. Dre proposed in his seminal theoretical work, “The Chronic”, the…

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…