Local officials report that area bachelor Robert Babson, who recently moved from his parent’s basement to his own apartment, is still single despite his courageous and heroic attempt to woo the love of his life.

At around 9:36pm last Monday, Babson received the fateful chain e-mail that had the potential to change his fortunes. Investigator claim that the message contained pictures of adorable cats in boxes of beer, a unique concoction that was described as a “Lolcat” in the ensuing police report. The e-mail also promised that if Babson forwarded the message to at least 20 people in his contact list within the ensuing 15 minutes, he would undoubtedly win the heart of his secret crush.

Babson is dejected in light of the failure of this seemingly infallible strategy, and fears that he will never be successful in love. “I hit the send button by 9:43pm,” Babson tearfully told reporters, “I was clearly within my 15 minute time window.” Investigators also told the press that Babson’s sent folder indicated that he had forwarded the e-mail to 23 people in his contact list, though three of the addresses were invalid.

“This just goes to show the harsh, cruel, wicked reality of the modern world,” sobbed Babson in a recent telephone interview, “If a man cannot win over the lady of his dreams by electronically sharing pictures of cats wearing human clothes with all his friends and relatives, I might as well just accept my fate and be resigned to dying alone.”

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