To combat changing definitions of marriage, Stanford’s new chapter of the Anscombe Society announced yesterday that it would marry two students in a live, public demonstration to support the cause of traditional marriage. “The ceremony will be highly pedagogical,” said Bernard VanBerkum, one of the group’s co-founders. “To reinforce our message, it will also include a live act of coitus, which we conclude is necessary for the definition of marriage to be truly complete.”
The students selected for the ceremony, Robert LeFarge and Maria McCormick, were relieved to know that the ceremony would also include the lengthy interval of coitus. “Our physical union will greatly stimulate the marriage,” said LeFarge.
Other students expressed great interest in attending the event. “My girlfriend and I have done some pretty weird role plays,” said Stanford senior Paul LaFolette, “but this could take our traditional methods to a whole new level.”
If the ceremony goes well, the Society may bring its operations into even more ambitious territory. “We could start sanctifying marriages at frat parties…” said VanBerkum dreamily. “After all, 75% of Stanford students end up marrying another Stanford student. Why wait?”