In an attempt to boost turnout at the Introduction to Humanities lectures, program administrators plan to offer free t-shirts and novelty sunglasses to students who attend class. Taking a cue from pep rally and student event organizers, IHUM administrators hope to provide an attendance incentive for freshmen beyond simply participating in a world-class survey in the liberal arts. One professor expressed frustration, noting that “students these days won’t attend class unless bribed with meaningless material rewards. Marx is turning over in his grave.”

The IHUM office is currently accepting suggestions for sayings to be printed on t-shirts that students will vote on in class. Popular suggestions include “IHUM: less painful than a kidney stone” and “Where else will a renowned classics scholar answer your stupid question about Plato?” One administrator added that if this new plan doesn’t boost attendance, they will resort to instituting a PRS “clicker” system through which students will respond to short answer questions using only the letters A through E.

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