In an attempt to boost turnout at the Introduction to Humanities lectures, program administrators plan to offer free t-shirts and novelty sunglasses to students who attend class.

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Taking a cue from pep rally and student event organizers, IHUM administrators hope to provide an attendance incentive for freshmen beyond simply participating in a world-class survey in the liberal arts. One professor expressed frustration, noting that “students these days won’t attend class unless bribed with meaningless material rewards.

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Marx is turning over in his grave.”

The IHUM office is currently accepting suggestions for sayings to be printed on t-shirts that students will vote on in class. Popular suggestions include “IHUM: less painful than a kidney stone” and “Where else will a renowned classics scholar answer your stupid question about Plato?

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” One administrator added that if this new plan doesn’t boost attendance, they will resort to instituting a PRS “clicker” system through which students will respond to short answer questions using only the letters A through E.

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