Hagrid Loses 130 Pounds for Latest Potter Film

In an effort to fit into the new 3D cameras, Hagrid was forced to start dieting early this year. While many movie-goers are unlikely to notice the difference, Hagrid claims the benefits of his decisions are enormous.  

“Now I can touch my palm with my fingers and sit down without farting.”  

Other characters in the film were very supportive of the pain Hagrid endured. Hagrid recalled, “One time Harry even suggested, ‘Hey fatty, why don’t you eat a little less?’, so I did.  I tell you the boy is brilliant.”  

Yet some critics argue Hagrid is promoting the spreading anorexia in teenage girls around the country.  But Hagrid defends, “If you want to be a giant in the movie industry, sometimes you need to lose a little weight.”