Report: Stanford No Longer Well-Endowed

A report released yesterday by USA Today revealed that Stanford, in the midst of the nation’s crisis, can no longer be considered “well-endowed.” Vice Provost for Undergraduate Education John Bravman was “saddened” but remained optimistic. “Why do you have to always compare us to other schools like Harvard and Yale,” he said. “It’s not the size that matters, really, it’s how you use it.” Bravman continued to reassure all involved that this was no big deal, that every school is different, and that “Stanford will use all of its available resources to try and find an innovative way to make it look like we’ve got more than enough where it counts.”