A report released yesterday by USA Today revealed that Stanford, in the midst of the nation’s crisis, can no longer be considered “well-endowed.
” Vice Provost for Undergraduate Education John Bravman was “saddened” but remained optimistic.
“Why do you have to always compare us to other schools like Harvard and Yale,” he said. “It’s not the size that matters, really, it’s how you use it.
” Bravman continued to reassure all involved that this was no big deal, that every school is different, and that “Stanford will use all of its available resources to try and find an innovative way to make it look like we’ve got more than enough where it counts.

You May Also Like

Bold, Innovative Campaign Poster Preventing Bladder-Shy Student from Peeing

Freshman and ASSU Senate Candidate Murphy Huggins knew that to stand out…

Israel and Palestine Come Together to Chill, Play Volleyball in First-Ever “Camp Stanford Accords”

In what has been dubbed the “the chillest camp since David,” heads…

TDX House Comes Back from Tornado, Lands On Top of Wicked ResEd Dean of the South

The magical land of drunken munchkin men, otherwise known as TDX, had…

In Final Trick of the Night, Top-Hatted Ben Shapiro Uses Facts and Logic to Make Minimum Wage ~Disappear~

Performing in Stanford’s Memorial Auditorium on Thursday night, amateur magician Ben Shapiro…