High School Suck-Up Encounters Much Better Suck-Ups in College

Incoming freshman Ryan O’Connell, who considered himself an “outstanding” suck-up to authorities in high school, experienced a huge shock in his first week at Stanford when he found multiple people much more adept and experienced at the art of brownnosing. “It was just very strange,” O’Connell said. “In high school, I was always the best one at making the teachers like me and getting undeserved A’s. But now that I’m here in college, it seems like everyone is better at being a teacher’s pet than I am, and I just don’t know if I deserve to be here.” However, O’Connell vowed to work his hardest to improve and pledged he would start at square one by continually narcing on all his IHUM section classmates.