Dating dynamo Dan Williams announced Sunday that he will skip his last year at Stanford to join the The League, an elite dating app for “high-achieving, diverse, and influential” singles. Three years of lunches, dinners, and “just hang[ing] out at CoHo or something” behind him, he voiced a readiness to enter a more competitive, post-collegiate pool of suitors and rivals.
“I love Stanford, and it will be extremely hard to leave,” his statement read, “But my coaches and I have decided that I’m ready for the pro-level circuit. My jawline isn’t getting any stronger, and my interest in contemporary art museums and ‘just staying in tonight’ has never been more pronounced. Perhaps one fine day I will return to finish my degree. Who knows? But until then, I’ll be moving on to the next level.”
A two-time runner up for the Dating Heisman after breaking Barry Sanders’ NCAA record for single-season all-purpose returned texts, Williams finished his Junior year with an impressive 56 hands held, 14 visits to the old-timey Stanford theater, and 8 table-for-two dinners at Evvia.
Williams, the son of 80s-era VHS-based dating service legend Ed Williams, explained that joining The League had been a lifelong goal since the app was founded in 2014. “Through my entire life from 2014 on, I’ve wanted to be involved with an online dating service that has to specify in its mission statement that it isn’t ‘a dating app exclusively for good-looking rich kids’. Now, it’s time to take that step. I’ve talked to Coach Shaw, and he told me that he isn’t involved in undergraduate dating in any way and has no idea who I am or why I’m asking him about some dating app, but I could tell he knew I was ready. And I’m gonna go make him proud.”