JACKSON—Just a few months after bringing “Intelligent Design” into Mississippi classrooms, the Department of Education in Mississippi has decided to bring a new controversial theory to students across the state.
In a press conference held yesterday, Haley Barbour, governor of Mississippi, discussed his new education policy: “As of next year, all students in Mississippi will learn about the theory of ‘Intelligent Warming.’This newly constructed theory proves that the Earth’s temperature is affected not by heat, but by an intelligent and benevolent being, who warms the Earth whenever we are feeling chilly.”
Barbour went on to explain why he disliked mainstream scientists, placing a particular emphasis on scientists’ “inability to entertain the notion that the Earth is regulated by an all powerful, untraceable, and invisible mastermind.”
Aides close to the governor suggested that he hopes to further modify Mississippi’s curriculum by adding “Intelligent Economics” and “Intelligent Grammar.” Barbour’s top aide explained, “These things–grammar, economics, environmental science–they are all far too complex and intricate to be understood or influenced by any human. There must be an all powerful entity behind the scenes, pulling all the strings and making things work. After all, why would anyone ever support a “Theory” when they could support an “Intelligent Theory”?”