Axe and Palm Crêpe Thief, Jean-Claude Pierre, is behind bars at last. He was caught last night at 10:08 in the kitchen of The Axe and Palm, attempting to steal yet another crêpe.

Onlookers were rather confused. “It seemed that he [Pierre] passed by the open registers flowing with cash to steal the crepes. Why would anyone do that? Everyone knows the Axe and Palm always runs out of crepes. It’s probably cause he is foreign.”

Pierre searched for the nonexistent Nutella crepes long enough for the staff to notice him, call the campus police, and take him into custody. “Eet Eez Absurd – zis restaurant ‘aving such short supplies. Zees estableeshment should be ashamed!”

Unfortunately for Pierre, no amount of stealth could substitute for the small amount of research that would have revealed the pitfalls of targeting the Axe and Palm, which already caught an International Milk Shake Thief and a infamous Sandwich Robber earlier this year through similar “unexpected” supply shortages. The Axe and Palm manager has been simultaneously praised for the capture and censured by hungry students who will not be so easily mollified.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You May Also Like

Stanford Grants Commencement Speaker Honorary Six-Figure Debt

Palo Alto, CA – In a ceremony at Stanford University’s 2015 commencement,…

Student Who Brags About Sleeping 3 Hours A Night Laments That His Talents Would Be Better Recognized If He Lived in The Paleolithic Era Defending His Cave from Predators All Night

“Prehistoric man was anywhere from seven to nine feet tall, you know,”…