This past Monday, a rather unfortunate smattering of events occurred circling around one undergraduate student, Morris Jones.

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Morris who typically awakes to 106.

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6 The Goat, instead arose to high pitch chirping, and it all went downhill from there.

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“I hadn’t left my room since the night before when I had to yell at those jerks upstairs for their music. I mean, lord, it was 9 p.m. and that’s when quiet hours start.”

Morris then detailed a step by step account of everyone he met during his day and why he hated them. “I just can’t take this crap anymore, it’s this damned weather.

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Morris’ Mommy said, “He’s a very nice boy, especially when the sun’s out. He would run around for hours with his imaginary friends, Patrick and Louis, and play all day. He still does it a bit when he’s home over the breaks [giggles]. Oh, he’s just an angel.”

Doctors later told the Flipside that Morris does not have Seasonal Affective Disorder, and that he is just in fact a huge asshole.

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