This past Monday, a rather unfortunate smattering of events occurred circling around one undergraduate student, Morris Jones. Morris who typically awakes to 106.6 The Goat, instead arose to high pitch chirping, and it all went downhill from there.

“I hadn’t left my room since the night before when I had to yell at those jerks upstairs for their music. I mean, lord, it was 9 p.m. and that’s when quiet hours start.”

Morris then detailed a step by step account of everyone he met during his day and why he hated them. “I just can’t take this crap anymore, it’s this damned weather.”

Morris’ Mommy said, “He’s a very nice boy, especially when the sun’s out. He would run around for hours with his imaginary friends, Patrick and Louis, and play all day. He still does it a bit when he’s home over the breaks [giggles]. Oh, he’s just an angel.”

Doctors later told the Flipside that Morris does not have Seasonal Affective Disorder, and that he is just in fact a huge asshole.

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