A 7.0 magnitude earthquake off the coast of Norway last Friday left residents shook by its intensity. An earthquake this size has not been recorded since 80 B.C., which is likely a made-up fact.
“It was traumatizing,” recounts Norwegian citizen Magnus Eriksen Jørgensen. “The buildings were toppling around me as I ran. The ground below me was shaking, but when I finally got to safety, I was the one who was shook.”
Jørgensen continued, “You know, it might not have even been due to the earthquake’s shaking that I was shook. To be honest, I didn’t even know earthquakes were possible in Norway. This could have been why I was shook. No wait, shaken? Shaked? Shooked? Oh god, save me from 21st century young adult vernacular.”
Jørgensen then left, reportedly worrying whether Trump would fuck up relations with Norway sometime soon.
The Stanford Flipside notes that Norway does indeed have very few earthquakes. This fact was affirmed by geologists and natural disaster experts around the globe, who were struggling to comprehend the event and were also, obviously, shook. In addition, Norwegians everywhere are now left wondering whether the earthquake itself was simply fake news.