Gov. Blagojevich Reads Copernicus: ‘Will Fight This Heliocentrism Thing’

December 19, 2008 11:22 pm
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Gov. Blagojevich Reads Copernicus: ‘Will Fight This Heliocentrism Thing’

CHICAGO—It was announced today that the recently disgraced governor of Illinois Rod Blagojevich recently picked up a copy of On the Revolutions of Celestial Spheres, Nicolaus Copernicus’ watershed tome on the heliocentric nature of our solar system, and declared he “will fight this heliocentrism thing.”

Despite overwhelming evidence in support of Copernicus’ theory that the earth does in fact revolve around the sun, Blagojevich is insisting that it is the other way around.

“I’m not going to quit believing in an earth-centric universe because of modern science’s say-so.”

When asked by state Attorney General Lisa Madigan whether or not his conviction in the ancient view of the universe deemed him unfit to serve, the Illinois Supreme Court put aside the black tar heroin they were main-lining and said simply, “Nah.”

Among the allegations the governor is denying are the Earth’s tilt, the whole of celestial mechanics, and that stars are not angels doing the waltz in the night sky.

It remains to be seen whether he will step down in light of these accusations.