After watching his players conduct several bewildered interviews in the wake of their 88-84 victory over Oklahoma City last Wednesday, Grizzlies coach Lionel Hollins felt the need to address the team in the locker room in order to explain the implications of their win.
“Because we were able to beat the Thunder four times before they beat us four times,” Hollins said while hastily sketching a representation of the NBA playoff bracket on the whiteboard, “We have advanced to the Western Conference Finals where we will play the winner of the San Antonio/Golden State series.”
Baffled Memphis players watched the coach as he circled their team logo and drew an arrow to the next line in the bracket.
“Nobody really prepared us for this moment,” explained center Marc Gasol (10 pts, 7 reb), “I didn’t know you could keep playing basketball into late May. I guess I’ll have to tell my girlfriend that I can’t help her move that patio furniture until next month, after all.”
Several players did not take the news as easily, with some sitting in front of their lockers and scratching their heads long after the game had ended.
Zach Randolph (28 pts, 14 reb) was seen staring at the carpet and muttering under his breath, “If we keep winning, we keep playing…how long can we do this for…does it ever end…how is Memphis, Tennessee geographically in the Western conference…goddamnit, I already bought tickets on Fandango for Fast and Furious 6 next week but now Coach Hollins says we have to practice.”
At press time, the FedExForum in downtown Memphis was struggling to sell seats to home games of the Western Conference Finals, with most season ticket holders gawking at the hundred dollar prices for what they assumed to be a fun, postseason exhibition match against another NBA team that was also eliminated from the playoffs.