In an unexpected course of events, president elect Barack Obama has already started making presidential decisions. Last Wednesday, just one day after being elected, Obama announced that for his first act as president he will bring change to the White House by ousting the Bush’s dog Barney.

“The people of America have spoken–they really want change–but my family has spoken–and they really want a puppy. So I thought, why can’t I just do both? Barney has lived in the white house for 8 years and its time for him to go!”

Proclaimed President Elect Obama in Wednesday’s press conference: “We’ve been working hard on this campaign, and we deserve a puppy. And our puppy won’t be more of the same–our puppy won’t go urinating on other people’s lawns or biting other people’s journalists. Our puppy will act responsible throughout the international community.”

Now that the campaign is over and there are no more problems do deal with, President Obama has said he will spend at least five hours a day tending to and walking the new presidential dog.

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Confirms That Bitches, As Suspected, Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks

When Dr. Dre proposed in his seminal theoretical work, “The Chronic”, the…

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…