Students Can No Longer Produce Viable Offspring With Taller, More Social People
Biology majors at Stanford University reported the emergence of a new species yesterday after decades of fieldwork and research. The Freshman-Sophomore College residents, once thought to be merely Lagunitans who migrated closer to the golf ranges, have finally split with their largely Homo sapien peers.
“It is an incredibly rare thing… to see the founder’s effect at work within one campus,” Head researcher Dr. Hufnpuf asserted at the press conference. “The selectivity of the dorm, we thought, could be the only logical factor. But, upon close study of the ‘FroSoCoans’ in their natural habitat, we found geographical obstacles- distance from main quad, FroSoCo’s elevation- to be more influential. Our research has shown that the FroSoCoan can no longer produce viable offspring with other Stanford residents.”
Indeed, many of Stanford’s human students have no idea where this secretive band is, though a few have made the perilous journey to “Ricker”, their main social gathering hub. Here, amid the fat free milk dispensers and low fat ice cream squirters, one may catch a glimpse of the wily FroSoCoan. Unlike their human counterparts, most FroSoCoans are short in stature, thin, and quite skittish. Their shyness towards outsiders is rivaled only by the sheer fervor with which they mumble scientific and mathematical analogies to other FroSoCoans. One intrepid senior has proposed that these ramblings compose a sort of language for the Governor’s Corner residents, but no conclusive proposals have surfaced yet, save that the utterances are, at best, “really awkward”.
