Post Tagged with: "God"

God Hires Regional Manager Brian

October 9, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on God Hires Regional Manager Brian
God Hires Regional Manager Brian
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Student Eats overly Soft Grape, Questions Existence of God

April 22, 2015 9:00 amComments Off on Student Eats overly Soft Grape, Questions Existence of God
Student Eats overly Soft Grape, Questions Existence of God

Arrillaga Dining—Describing the experience as both “disgusting and faith-shattering,” sophomore Ian Segel confirmed yesterday that his accidental consumption of a soft grape had led him to doubt the existence of God.  “Frankly, it was shocking,” a visibly rattled Segel told reporters. “There I was, having lunch, when suddenly this gross, […]

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Student Wearing Reflective Bike Gear is Fucking Invincible

December 1, 2014 12:00 pmComments Off on Student Wearing Reflective Bike Gear is Fucking Invincible
Student Wearing Reflective Bike Gear is Fucking Invincible

 Zipping through the fall air, neon jacket flapping in the wind, leaves crackling under the blur of his tires. You may have glimpsed Stanford undergraduate Will Cochran on his bicycle this fall, but chances are he was moving too quickly for you to get a good look at him. What […]

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God Fires Pope

February 19, 2013 12:03 pmComments Off on God Fires Pope
God Fires Pope

In a prepared statement last week, God announced that he was relieving Pope Benedict XVI of his position as the head of the Roman Catholic Church. Citing a desire to reinvigorate and restore the image of the Church, the all powerful creator and proprietor of our universe wanted to take a […]

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Santorum Announces Plan to Make All Women Report Menstruation Cycles to Federal Registry

March 2, 2012 6:00 amComments Off on Santorum Announces Plan to Make All Women Report Menstruation Cycles to Federal Registry
Santorum Announces Plan to Make All Women Report Menstruation Cycles to Federal Registry

Republican Presidential candidate Rick Santorum recently announced his plan to have all American women register their menstrual cycles in a national ovulation database. The former senator, and prominent opponent of contraception and abortion, has stated that the measures are necessary to keep track of women’s reproductive functions, tracking who gets […]

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Poor Attendance to Jesus’ “Seminar on the Mount”

October 22, 2011 6:00 amComments Off on Poor Attendance to Jesus’ “Seminar on the Mount”
Poor Attendance to Jesus’ “Seminar on the Mount”

On Tuesday, Jesus of Nazareth descended from the heavens to deliver a seminar at Stanford University. The subject of the talk, according to the Light of the World himself, was “how to find happiness on earth and assure passage into the kingdom of heaven.” At approximately 12:00PM, as advertised in […]

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Scientific Study Irrefutably Proves Existence of God

February 6, 2011 3:56 pmComments Off on Scientific Study Irrefutably Proves Existence of God
Scientific Study Irrefutably Proves Existence of God

In one of the more interesting scientific discoveries this week, researchers have proven the existence of a benevolent and all-powerful deity, thus forever rendering ages of religious speculation and existential dread pointless. “This shit’s airtight,” said Richard Dawkins, a prominent and vocal atheist, in reference to the study’s pristine methodology. […]

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God Hates Faqs Protest Against Computer Illiteracy

February 1, 2010 3:34 pm0 comments
God Hates Faqs Protest Against Computer Illiteracy
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‘Sin Explains Stanford Devil-Rain’ – Says Pat Roberton

January 23, 2010 9:21 pm0 comments
‘Sin Explains Stanford Devil-Rain’ – Says Pat Roberton

NEW YORK – In the wake of his controversial statements on a divine motive behind the earthquake in Haiti, famous televangeslit Pat Robertson has shifted his focus to Stanford University and the seemingly unending storm that has formed above it. On Friday’s broadcast of “The 700 Club,” Robertson took to […]

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