Supreme Court Helps Students Study For Finals; Holds Judicial Review Sessions

June 1, 2009 7:56 pm
Supreme Court Helps Students Study For Finals; Holds Judicial Review Sessions

With finals just around the corner, many students have started worrying about how they are going to prepare for this quarter’s exams. Luckily, Chief Justice John Roberts of the Supreme Court announced last week that the court will hold extra judicial review sessions to help students study for finals. Despite […]

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Yellow Fever Sufferer Seeks Pre-Assignment to Okada

7:56 pm
Yellow Fever Sufferer Seeks Pre-Assignment to Okada

Last week, very, very white Junior Matt Taloman requested medical forms to be admitted pre-assignment to the four class dorm Okada. Taloman suffers from an acute case of yellow fever, a disease transmitted through mosquito bite whose symptoms include: headache, bloody nose, condemnation of capitalism, nausea, predilection to Hello-Kitty dolls, […]

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University Unveils Useless Construction Project

7:54 pm
University Unveils Useless Construction Project

In the face of across the board cuts throughout the university, Stanford today demonstrated its commitment to useless construction projects. The university today released a new plan to repaint all 4,375 lamp posts across campus. The lamp post project is part of the larger ambitious campus-wide plan to that includes […]

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FSPN: Jose Canseco Should Have Taken More Steroids

May 29, 2009 1:10 am
FSPN: Jose Canseco Should Have Taken More Steroids
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