Stanford
Stanford Med School: Mother’s Kisses Contain Healing Power
STANFORD, CA—The worst dreams of Band-Aid® have finally come true.
At the culmination of a 4-year study, a group of Stanford Medical students have confirmed that a mother’s kiss will indeed heal her...
October 24th, 2011
Stanford Flipside Releases Flipside 2.0
FLIPSIDE HEADQUARTERS–The Stanford Flipside, concerned that the current Flipside wasn’t working for the student body, announced today the creation of Flipside 2.0. Citing a failure to meet the...
October 24th, 2011
Stanford Women Run Marathon, Waste Time, Energy, Money
SAN FRANCISCO, CA–Waking up far too early and paying far too much money to run far much too long a distance, dozens of Stanford women headed north to San Francisco for the Nike Women’s Half-Marathon...
October 24th, 2011
Poor Attendance to Jesus’ “Seminar on the Mount”
On Tuesday, Jesus of Nazareth descended from the heavens to deliver a seminar at Stanford University. The subject of the talk, according to the Light of the World himself, was “how to find happiness...
October 22nd, 2011
Stanford Offers Refund of $200 Per Rainy Day
Freshmen from all corners of the world are up in arms over the past week of occasional drizzle, claiming that they were lured into accepting admission over false pretenses. People were forced to retire...
October 21st, 2011
Stanford Students Start Attending Paly Parties
With so many Stanford frats on probation, students have resorted to going to Paly parties on the weekend. “There are just no good options on campus,” said freshman Nicole Wynn. “Paly...
October 20th, 2011
Students Massacre Hundreds of Pieces of Chalk
WHITE PLAZA – Tragedy struck on Monday as a bunch of chalk was massacred by students protesting Columbus Day. What were once young, hopeful cylinders of condensed powder met their demise smeared...
October 19th, 2011
Planned Terrorist Attack Against Saudi Ambassador Thwarted By AlertSU Text
The United States Department of Homeland Security confirmed today that the vast AlertSU intelligence network was responsible for alerting them of an impending assassination attempt against Saudi ambassador...
October 18th, 2011
“Bros for Boobs”: Kappa Sigma Brothers to Offer Free Screenings
In an effort to promote their public image and regain their house, the fraternity Kappa Sigma is offering free breast cancer screenings in White Plaza to all females of Stanford.
“We really want to...
October 17th, 2011
Fate Unites Soulmates During Awkward Fraternity Party Grinding Session
As Allen Henderson (’13) and Monica Stevens (’14) glided across the beer-and-sweat stained dance floor of Sigma Chi last Friday night, little did they know that their course was being carefully guided...
October 17th, 2011
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Today is National Dress Like a Muggle Day
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Issue 117 Puzzles
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Nation Prepares for All-Out Sex Party in Wake of Obama Announcement
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