In shocking news coming from the Tuesday afternoon section of POLISCI 153, senior Davie Carnick yet again insists upon playing devil’s advocate. Sitting in the front row, Carnick has always been the first to raise his hand; he feels it is his first amendment right to speak up and disagree with others, even if it means making students uncomfortable and being racist.

“Hey, I’m just saying what we are all thinking,” he explained. Carnick reluctantly self-identifies as the class’ “devil’s advocate,” emphasizing over and over again that he truly hates to do so. Reportedly, Carnick would love not to have to take on this arduous role, but simply cannot leave the obvious and offensive unspoken. Carnick believes that section is his Olympics, explaining that he is able to inspire other students to follow his example and speak their minds in a smaller space.

“He’s actually just annoying,” argued his section teaching fellow, Regina Kirkland. “He clearly doesn’t do the readings. He just feels the need to disagree whenever Justine or any other female student speaks.”

Some of his strategies include audibly yawning when women speak in discussion or going to the bathroom whenever someone starts to refute his points. “He just precedes offensive comments with ‘hate to play devil’s advocate’ so he doesn’t get in trouble,” stated Justine Jacobson. Carnick refused to entertain this comment, referring to Justine as a “hag.”

Some of Carnick’s most hated counterpoints have been advocating for war in the Middle East, normalizing racial slurs, and “Trickle Up Economics,” a system in which the poor donate to the rich. When asked about his classroom tactic, he responded, “Someone’s gotta burst these people’s bubbles.” Carnick can frequently be seen repeating other people’s jokes a bit louder in class or holding an “Invest in Fossil Fuels” sign in White Plaza. As of press time, Carnick was still at a Vaden appointment, arguing with a female physician over the results of his rapid strep test.

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