Post Tagged with: "earthquake"

Last Survivor of 1906 Earthquake Dies of Something Way Less Cool

January 19, 2016 12:00 pmComments Off on Last Survivor of 1906 Earthquake Dies of Something Way Less Cool
Last Survivor of 1906 Earthquake Dies of Something Way Less Cool

BAKERSFIELD, CA- Surrounded by friends, family, and the knowledge that his passing would be a total let-down, Mr. Miles Serrano, the last survivor of San Francisco’s devastating 1906 earthquake, died on Sunday of renal failure or some other boring shit like that. Doctors commented there was little they could do […]

Read more ›

Jell-O Seismic Detection System Goes Into Effect

May 1, 2011 3:10 pmComments Off on Jell-O Seismic Detection System Goes Into Effect
Jell-O Seismic Detection System Goes Into Effect

In light of the recent catastrophic earthquake and tsunami in Japan, Stanford’s Geophysics department has placed giant vats of Kraft Jell-O at various locations around campus. The initiative, spearheaded by earthquake-expert Professor Walker Johnson, has been met with great acclaim from both the university administration and student body. “We were […]

Read more ›

Thousands of Tamagotchis Die In Japanese Tsunami Aftermath

April 13, 2011 9:00 amComments Off on Thousands of Tamagotchis Die In Japanese Tsunami Aftermath
Thousands of Tamagotchis Die In Japanese Tsunami Aftermath

TOKYO–Weeks after the tsunami and incidents at the Fukushima nuclear facilities, Japan is still suffering in the aftermath. In the past week, the death count on Tamagotchis has risen past 15,000 and the toll is steadily increasing. Japanese authorities are unsure how they should respond. Many Tamagotchis have been abandoned […]

Read more ›

Parents Practice Mourning for Son Lost in Earth Quake Drill.

October 10, 2010 2:47 pmComments Off on Parents Practice Mourning for Son Lost in Earth Quake Drill.
Parents Practice Mourning for Son Lost in Earth Quake Drill.
Read more ›

Earthquake Hits Applebees

May 2, 2010 11:48 am0 comments
Earthquake Hits Applebees

BAKERSFIELD, CA–In a major tragedy yesterday, an earthquake devastated a local Applebees. The Applebees had been home to several hundred consistent weekly visitors, but is now facing a minor inconvenience thanks to the quake. According to Applebees waiter and witness, Luke Crowler, “When the quake hit, the tables started to […]

Read more ›

Seeking Aid, Detroit Considers Artificial Earthquake

January 26, 2010 2:06 am0 comments
Seeking Aid, Detroit Considers Artificial Earthquake

With the Michigan city facing the prospect of becoming a ghost town, city lawmakers hatched an enterprising plan to restore it to prosperity: Purposefully destroying it with a man-made, 7.5 “mega-quake.” “We hope that the inevitable influx of aid and sympathy for our beleaguered city will be enough to restore […]

Read more ›

Haiti Will Not Accept Donations After Thursday

January 20, 2010 4:20 am0 comments
Haiti Will Not Accept Donations After Thursday
Read more ›

Student Mistakes Rollout For Earthquake

October 24, 2008 12:37 am0 comments
Student Mistakes Rollout For Earthquake
[audio:s1.mp3|titles=Student Mistakes Rollout For Earthquake] Read more ›