I have ascertained, through the virtues of my immense powers of deduction, that the TA placed in charge of overseeing my 11:30-12:20 CS 106a discussion section, has fallen deeply, irreparably, and, most importantly, madly in love with me. It was only a matter of time before a hapless TA let their instincts get the better of them and fell for the supreme intellect (I got a 5 on AP CSA last year) and impeccable fashion sense (a weekly cycle through 8 matching sets of fraying black sweatpants and stretched-out gray t-shirts) of yours truly.
I choose to ignore the whisperings of doubt. Some may think that I’m delusional. I will prove the veracity of my observations through irrefutable logic. At the hour of our discussion section, I approached my future wife/ current TA, determined to demonstrate my intellectual superiority. “Are you aware that your answer to question 3 part b is incorrect?” I asked, seductively. She secretly swooned: “Um, this is a History of Modern Philosophy discussion.”
Clearly, she was playing hard to get, a tactic also employed the one other time I was in the presence of a woman. Undeterred, I pressed forward. “Do you know who I am?” I asked, testosterone-ily.
“Please leave the classroom.”
At this point, I knew: she had fallen for me. The only way to get me alone in her probably-single room was to force me out of the public space. It was brilliant– perhaps she was cleverer than I gave her credit for. She was now hopelessly infatuated with my smoking face card, charming personality, and principled opposition to showering. I left the classroom, mentally preparing for fornicative acts.
For everyone who keeps complaining about the difficulty of the dating scene at Stanford, please reach out. While not everyone has the capacity to solve this problem, I want to improve the world by spreading my knowledge of the fairer sex and the skills needed to bag your very own TA.
