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Op-Ed: Please Stop Saying “Fuck Cal”, My Ass Hurts

Berkley Student Calvin Juan, or better known as Cal, claims to be…

Op-Ed: I Just Found Out That the Birthday Fairy Isn’t Real and Now I’m In a Perpetual State of Crushing and Inescapable Nihilism

Like all other children, I grew up hearing about the fantastical tales…

Class of 2027 Student Spotlight: They’re All Pieces of Shit

Ah yes. Admit weekend.  Swarms of lanky to-be freshmen wander the vast campus, not…

Op-Ed: Admit Weekend is Almost Here!  It’s Time to Download Tinder

This Friday, thousands of prospective frosh will be flocking to the Stanford…

We ran the numbers. At its deepest, Lake Lag is 15 stories tall.

Utilizing high state-of-the-arts technology, Lauren Yu and her team of researchers used…

Existential Paranoia Spreads As Construction Fencing Now Completely Surrounds Campus

Abby Ker, ‘24, couldn’t believe her eyes. Her morning bike commute to…

Daily Takes Major L (working title)

As an educated, well-read woman of distinguished title whose pedagogical and didactic…

Okay yeah really funny mothman to come to my sleepy time bonanza and steal my goddamn hour

To give a little bit of context for this diatribe that’s about…