Utilizing high state-of-the-arts technology, Lauren Yu and her team of researchers used incredibly accurate radar soundwaves generated from pumping “Super Bass” by Nicki Minaj to pierce the murky waters of Lake Lag. “It goes deep, I think.”

“What we discover is that we can get quite interesting perspectives on height and depth depending on individuals’ maximum eyeline. This has vast implications for the use of space. I mean, if you’re 5 feet tall, why should your ceiling be at the same height as someone who’s seven feet tall: that’s two extra feet you could use to hotbox with”.

For the average human, Yu estimates Lake Lag to be around 2, maybe 2.5 stories tall. For SNU men, around 5 to 6 stories tall. Revolutionary is the measure of 15 hamster-stories tall, the first instance, ever, of hamster worlds being the basis for scientific measurement.

“This is completely bonkers”, President of Stanford and famously serious scientist Marc Tessier-Levigne states. “You can’t just change the number of stories tall something is. In fact, I don’t think measuring depth in terms of floors is even intelligible”

When these concerns were brought up to Yu and her team of researchers, regrets for the President’s lack of insight were expressed. “It’s a real pity that Mr Tessier-Levigne doesn’t see the potential for this technology in revolutionizing the lived experiences of vertically challenged individuals. The sky’s the limit for science! But, I suppose for such a short stunted man, perhaps “the roof’s the limit” would be a more accurate statement for Monsieur Levigne”.

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