Alvin Peterson, a freshman who is enrolled in Econ 1A, has recently announced that he has discovered the solution to all of the country’s economic problems.

Having covered the first three chapters of the introductory textbook, which Alvin apparently obtained through a “sweet deal on Amazon,” the FroSoCo resident has gained a sufficient understanding of the subtleties of the nation’s political economy to instruct the Federal Reserve Board, the President’s advisors, and the executive cabinet on fiscal and monetary policy.

“We should cut the interest rates because then people spend more and that’s good”, said Alvin, while drawing a shaky supply and demand graph with a ballpoint pen in his wide-ruled notebook, “I mean, I did get a 9/10 on my first problem set. I think I know what I’m talking about here.”

You May Also Like

Breaking News: Only Four Dead in Most Rewarding Dance Marathon Yet

Reporting that this year was perhaps the fundraiser’s most successful to date,…

Last Survivor of 1906 Earthquake Dies of Something Way Less Cool

BAKERSFIELD, CA- Surrounded by friends, family, and the knowledge that his passing…

Facebook Adds Ability To Share Masturbatory Habits With Friends

Note: In the print edition of this week’s issue, we accidentally used…

Mavericks Make Lamar Odom Inactive, So He Can Focus On His Reality Show

Forward Lamar Odom was dismissed from the reigning NBA champion Dallas Mavericks…