Cedro freshman Ralph Thomson, 19, was reportedly seen in lecture making an embarrassingly overt attempt to hide his erection in Making of the Modern World lecture the other day. Witnesses described the Ralph’s last ditch effort to hide the boner as sad, pathetic, and downright obvious.

“Really he’s putting his textbook on his lap? How is he even hard? The professor is talking about the slave trade in colonial Latin America,” said Jennifer Baxley, another freshman from Wilbur.

Numerous attempts by his friends to converse were rebuffed due to his humiliation and nervous attempts to conceal the bulging pocket rocket.

“Sweatpants…beginner’s mistake,” commented his roommate as he demonstrated his foolproof waistband tuck technique, “Works every time.”

As of press time a mortified Ralph was seen awkwardly sitting in the lecture hall minutes after class had let out to avoid anyone seeing the stiffening situation and subsequently scampering out of Dinkelspiel holding his laptop in front of his waist.

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