Hysterical Man on Stage Wants to Tell You About His Dick

March 7, 2019 7:00 pm
Hysterical Man on Stage Wants to Tell You About His Dick

A hysterical man was spotted on stage this past weekend with a microphone screaming at audience members about his private parts. When asked why he was doing this, the man simply said “It’s a joke!” and kept berating people in the front row for looking at him funny. He went into intimate details about the shape, length, and size of his genitalia, always maintaining that his extremely personal speech was completely warranted by the reaction of those present, most of whom left immediately.

Other people who took the stage told childhood stories, vignettes from their time abroad, and funny interactions they’d had in different public places, but this man didn’t seem to get the hint that no one there wanted to hear about his dick.

When we asked one audience member why they didn’t join the mass exodus, she said, “It seems like he’s having a pretty tough time, so I’ve been going along with it for now. I think all he wants from us is for us to laugh? I can do that for someone in this much distress.” That same audience member left her card on the edge of the stage after the performance. “I could probably find time in my schedule for him, if he wanted to talk.”

The man later relinquished the stage in favor of a jazz combo that had been practicing for weeks, waiting to perform. As he passed them he gave some advice along the lines of “talk about your sexual organs, the people love it.”