- I voted for the Democratic candidate for President but forgot that it was 1892 and they were still the bad ones
- I saved a POC from an alligator attack but the alligator was actually endangered and it starved to death
- I became friends with a black person, but it was former presidential candidate Herman Cain and he wouldn’t stop calling me a “libtard” so I left and got dumplings
- I became a feminist, but only for ladies who call their husbands “hubby”
- I tried to cut taxes for the poor but accidentally just normal cut them, with a katana
- I helped an old lady cross the street, but she was on her way to the Hitler convention
- I tried to protest Big Pharma by eating all the polio medicine, but then got wayyyy too high and punched a cop
- I beat up someone for saying the n-word, which I thought was “nutrition”
- I gave an e-cig to a baby
- I went to a “Free the Nipple” rally but got too horny and had to leave
