The Stanford psychology department just finished testing and now plans to implement a new pilot program that encourages students to respond to questions or incite conversation with “week numbers” in order to facilitate more successful interpersonal and peer-to-peer communication at Stanford. Fueled by a prevalent campus-wide sentiment that rigorous academics have broken down student support systems and condoned social isolation.

“This mindset has truly turned my life around,” said sophomore Alexis Kalahan. “I just respond, ‘Oh, it’s week 7,’ and everyone seems to understand exactly what I mean. It’s utterly brilliant. It has saved my social life. My professors and TAs just…they just get me.”

The department has issued a informational document in preparation for a full rollout of the program. The document includes number of sample conversations, including:

A: “How’s it going?”

B: “Oh, you know…it’s week 5.”

A: “I totally get it, dude! I totally get it!”

C: “Week 6, man!”

D: “I know, right?!”

C: “It’s crazy. It’s really fucking crazy.”

E: “What do you mean ‘you’re breaking up with me?’”

F: “Week 9! WEEK 9!!!!”

E: “Oh sweetheart, I get it. I’m so sorry I asked. We can still be friends, right?”

The Stanford psychology department is planning on hosting a number of interactive workshops designed to test an overall student body response to the new program. When asked to comment, the department heads provided the following statement, “Wow, it’s Week 7. Week 7!”

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