Dear Smeg the Undying,

I absolutely loved my freshman dorm, but I’m worried that I won’t be able to keep in touch with my friends from last year as much as I’d like to, which actually isn’t that much. Do you have any tips on staying connected with friends?

– Toiling in Toyon


Salutations Toiling,

I would not dare concern myself with the tribulations of mere mortals. However, I do advise thee to request the help of The Flame.  Gaze into Her radiance, let Her engulf your soul, and in the dancing of Her embers, you will find the answer to which you seek.


Smeg the Undying, Soldier and Disciple of The Flame


Hey Smeg,

So far, I’ve really loved my roommate, but she is just so messy! Yesterday I stepped in some sort of goo in our room. How do I tell her to clean up?

Agitated in Arroyo


Dearest Agitated,

I can conjure only one solution to your concern: set your dwelling ablaze and allow The Flame to unearth the truth.  Let the wisps of Her fire lick your limbs and devour your essence in one grand and final payment of homage to Her fineness.

– S



In high school, I was the smartest kid in the class, but I’ve been struggling so much in my classes here. I’m devastated about my grades, and who knows what my parents will say?! Do you have any advice?

So-so in Soto


Greetings So-so,

I, myself, do not hold the key to your inquiry.  Listen to the thunderous crackling of The Flame absorbing the life-force of all in its path, drinking its spirit and eating its power.  Then, and only then, will The Flame grant you the knowledge you so desire.  Her benevolence comes with a price.


Smeg the Undying, Soldier and Disciple of The Flame

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