STANFORD – As a larger and larger crowd built at Old Union for Stanford’s new “Fuck Caterpillars” club, it became clear that some students were confused as to whether “Fuck” referred to the physical act of love-making or the popular vernacular expression of contempt, sources confirmed Sunday. Even following the introductory meeting, some students remain unsure of the group’s true aims. “I was really excited to get behind this new contingent of animal lovers at Stanford,” said sophomore Keisha Stone ’19, “especially in light of the Animal Husbandry Society being shut down last year for budget reasons, but I’m having trouble parsing out what this club is all about.”

Stone spoke more on her desire to find a tight-knit community at a school where most students don’t share her political or religious values, or her value for having sex with tiny furry butterfly larva. “I just wish they had made things more explicit in the meeting, one way or the other. It’s not cool to waste people’s time.” Stone also mentioned that if club presidents confirm her fears that the group is, in fact, derisive towards caterpillars, that she and the new friends she made at this confusing meeting will have to take matters into their own hands, starting their own counteractive “Fuck alliance.”

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