At a West Coast school like Stanford, there’s bound to be a stereotype or two about our neighbors over on the other side of the country. But just because you believe something doesn’t make it true! Here are five common mistakes made about East Coasters.
1. They Call the Atlantic Ocean “The Only Water”
Someone unfamiliar with the East Coast could be forgiven for making this mistake, but they’d be wrong. While residents of the East Coast do indeed believe that no water exists aside from that in the Atlantic, they actually call it “The Mother Fluid” as a sign of respect.
2. The Coriolis Effect Prevents Pregnancies
Many an ill-informed tourist has had unprotected intercourse while vacationing on the East Coast under the inaccurate belief that the Coriolis Effect makes sperm go backwards, thus preventing conception. However, scientists have shown that this phenomenon actually makes the female partner’s egg reverse direction instead, thus impregnating the penis.
3. They Have Over 300 Different Ways To Say “I’m Walkin’ Here”
Although linguists disagree on the exact number of distinct phrases by which an East Coaster can indicate that they’re walkin’ here, the highest estimate actually tops off at only about 170. With terms like “Outta the way, bozo”, “Move aside, dickshit”, and “Watch out, my mans, this particular spot is full of my moving flesh,” it’s a reasonable assumption to make; but that doesn’t mean it’s right!
4. They Were Featured in a Christmas Special That Has Since Been Removed From Canon
Although the entire population of the East Coast was indeed featured in an ill-conceived Christmas Special in 1979, entitled “The Grinch Steals the Mason-Dixon Line”, the common internet rumor that it’s non-canonical is false. Sorry, folks, but unpopular Christmas Special additions like the return of Maine’s long-lost dad, a new state called Third Carolina, and the murder of fan favorite Rhode Island are here to stay!
5. Everybody Who Lives on the East Coast Knows Each Other
West Coasters often assume living on the East Coast means you personally know everyone else on the East Coast. In fact, this is not entirely true. Yes, all of Maine knows all of New Hampshire, but all of New Hampshire does not know all of Delaware. Heck, the relationship between the citizens of Connecticut and the entirety of New York is tenuous at best.
So if you’re thinking of visiting the East Coast, make sure to be informed. You can’t believe everything you hear!