Trump Threatens To Bomb Country That NPR Is From

February 13, 2017 12:00 pm
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Trump Threatens To Bomb Country That NPR Is From

After a security briefing marked by screaming, jumping jacks, and heavy breathing, Trump has demanded that the military “find whichever country, the one that NPR is in, and bomb the crap out of them.” Proceeding to rant about it on Twitter, Trump emphasized the need to deliver violent justice to whoever is harboring NPR.

Trump’s remarks came accompanied by a doodle that he presumably created during the briefing. The doodle, drawn over the better part of a classified page detailing American military operations in the Arabian Peninsula, shows a rectangle, labeled “NPR’s house”. This rectangle is surrounded by several phallic objects, labeled “bombs [sic]”, and radioactivity symbols, labeled “best nukes”. Lower down on the page, right beneath the line detailing specific carrier group movements, are a few more notes, presumably written by Trump, saying “where do they live”, and “their house isn’t as big as mine”. These are accompanied by a larger rectangle labeled “my white house”. Trump later tweeted a photo of all of this, for which the Iranian government has personally thanked him.

As of press time, aides working in the Trump administration have confidentially reported that the greenhorn president has been marching up and down the halls of the White House, clad only in his undershirt and tighty-whities while grumbling in dark and menacing tones. It is unclear if this phenomenon is in any way related to his condemnation of NPR, but the timing is suspicious, to say the least.