With news that the GOP is planning on defunding Planned Parenthood with the repeal of Obamacare, a new study shows that millions of young couples have simply agreed to stop having sex.
“What else can we do now? It might just be for the best,” says Andrew Verma. “I and my girlfriend have just decided it’s just better for everyone if we stop having our special…private time, if you know what I mean. Like, we’ve seen the stats. Condoms are effective 98-percent of the time. NINETY-EIGHT. There’s a two-percent chance that we’re going to have a baby.”
Andrew’s girlfriend, Alex Chang, also chimed in. “I totally agree. Millennials are known for being very wise, responsible, not at all risky individuals. I mean, let’s face it—we don’t want a baby growing up in this political climate. Safe sex is sexy, no sex is even sexier,” she said before casting Andrew a seductive glance and dashing off to the corner of the room together to dry-hump.
It seems that this trend is prevalent all across the nation, as couples are sitting down with their significant others and carefully deciding, in a well thought-out and level-headed process, that they will just stop having sex, possibly for the rest of their lives.