Cool Grandma Plans To Get “Eggnog Blitzed” This Holiday Season

December 5, 2016 12:00 pm
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Cool Grandma Plans To Get “Eggnog Blitzed” This Holiday Season

Betty Peterson, 90, is quick to remind family and friends that she lives for only two things in this world: “playing bridge and getting belligerent.”

Regarding last year’s holiday events, Betty’s youngest grandson Doug recounted: “Last Christmas, I asked Santa for a new skateboard. I was really excited to see a big present under the tree with my name on it, and I saw it was from Grandma so I figured Santa must’ve told her to give me one. I was surprised to open it up and find a stack of Playboy magazines. Grandma gave me a high-five and told me “Santa ain’t real, but that’ll put hair on your chest, boy!” before shotgunning a beer and effortlessly crushing the can on her forehead. I never did get that skateboard.”

The Flipside secured an interview after several weeks of attempts at contact with Betty, with field reporter Phil Peters shouting to Betty briefly from his Prius while she rode her Ducati at 95 mph down the freeway. Asked why she lives as she does, Betty responded, “I didn’t choose the rowdy life; the rowdy life chose me.”

Betty then hit a wheelie and sped off into the sunset, presumably about to go cause a ruckus at an unsuspecting bingo hall.